Freedom in Contentment

    Something the Lord had brought me through during my time in Gainesville was showing me what it truly means to walk in contentment. I thought this was a personal testimony between the Father and I. But over the last several weeks I felt prompted to write a blog about what the Lord had revealed to me on the topic of contentment. To the person reading this, I hope you are able to find freedom and breakthrough from the Father through this message, enjoy 🙂 

      During one of my feedbacks with my team, someone had given me a message from the Lord. The Lord said, “Natalina, I am not as hard on you as you are, Give yourself a break and breathe-you are no longer guilty, you have been acquitted, you don’t live under condemnation.” When those words were spoken over me it hit hard. For the first time in my life, someone else saw the internal struggle I had been fighting for years. For the past 18 years of my life, I always strived for approval. I gave my all in everything I did for the satisfaction of being approved and seen. Throughout the years I’ve always carried a heavy burden of harshness and discontentment towards myself as I’ve always seen areas in myself that needed to be improved or fixed. This internal struggle bled into training camp as I was continuing to degrade my appearance, my worth, and the growth the Lord had done during my time in Gainesville. Although I was grateful for the work the Lord has done in my life, I lived in a place of discontentment because I knew more work needed to be done. This internal place of constant striving left me feeling restless and unprepared for Romania.

     One day during a quiet time with the Lord, I sat outside and was in awe of the Lord’s creation. To see the wonder and beauty of nature and what the Lord had created struck me, but in that moment of processing his creation, the Lord had said to me…“How can you be so in awe of my creation but you can’t be in awe of how I’ve created you.” In that moment I started to cry; I began to let out years of discontentment and harshness I had put on myself. The Lord revealed to me that the defilement of his temple and creation is not only an internal act of sin but can also be an external act as well. He showed me that when we choose to speak death ourselves and believe the lies that go against the Lord’s Word we are defiling what He has said is good. We are not only defiling his creation but the character of the creator. When we choose to believe the lie, we are declaring that God is not a man of his Word. If the Lord has declared that I, the temple, am worthy enough for HIS HOLY PRESENCE to dwell in, then I shall declare forever that what He made IS GOOD. In 1 Corinthians 3:17, it says, “For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple”. The Lord has shown me that at times when I feel inadequate, I shall remember that when he fashioned me in my mother’s womb that he said it is good. That I am not good due to luck or by chance but because of Christ and Christ alone. That when he so delicately crafted me into existence; called me by name, and intricately woven me together with his bare hands; he was well pleased and declared I AM GOOD. That beyond what I may feel in a moment, I am worthy, valued, and loved. Not because I did anything to earn that, but because the Lord has declared that over me from the beginning of ages. 

      As I began to let go of the years of discontentment towards myself, the Lord lead me to 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” The Father showed me that I no longer have to live in a place of striving for perfection because through my imperfection His glory can be made more known. Imperfection is a sweet reminder that God is still doing great work within me. In Philippians 1:6 it states “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” The Lord is not done with us until his plan is brought to completion. So I shall rejoice in my imperfections because when we don’t boast in our weaknesses we withhold God from receiving all of the glory. The Lord also revealed to me that when we boast in our weaknesses we not only walk in a heart posture of dependency but humility. Imperfection not only reminds me that God’s plans for my life aren’t finished but allows me to walk in a constant state of humility when it is. That Christ alone was the one to finish the great work and not I. That everything I lacked He fulfilled.

     When we boast in our weakness we can finally walk in a place of contentment because we are no longer striving to fix areas in our lives we deem to be lacking in. The burden and need for perfection is no longer a weight we have to bear. We no longer have to strive but simply abide because he is sufficient in the areas we are lacking. Contentment allows us to rest in the presence of the Lord. It allows us to delight in the simplicity of being a son or daughter of the Most High. By just abiding, we will become the Woman or Man of God He has created us to be. So like psalm 24:7 says, “The one thing I ask of the Lord, the thing I seek most, is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.” 

    To the person who is struggling to feel enough. To the person who feels condemned by their sin cycle. To the person with self-put expectations. To the person striving for approval. To the person that has been too hard on themselves. And to the person that has been engulfed by comparison. The Lord sees you and wants you to come back home. Let him sustain you and give you rest. Stop holding a cup that was never yours to hold. Stop trying to redeem areas of your life only the Redeemer can redeem. He wants you, not your perfection. It was never about performance but surrenderance. The Father wants you and not what you can bring to the table, so simply abide and become.