Nine months later I am back on American soil. As I look back on these past nine months I can’t help but see a constant theme of the Lord’s faithfulness in my life. Coming on the Race I was desperate for more of the Father. Desperate to be used by Him and see Him move through me in miraculous ways. To see the dead raised, the lame healed, and lives changed. But little did I know that these next nine months would be a time of the Father showing me that I am His beloved daughter before a vessel for His kingdom. I am thankful that I serve a God that doesn’t give me what I ask but what I need. Who knows the depths of my heart and sees me as a Child before a vessel. A Father who took nine months to break down an unstable foundation and rebuild my life on the foundational Truth of His Love.
Although coming on the race I was desperate to be used by God, he saw the root of my desperation. A desperation led from a place of not feeling enough. A desperation that yearned for validation through performance. A desperation that believed love was earned by works. But the Father didn’t see my desperation and wince but was moved in deep compassion. What a love such as this. That the depths of my brokenness became the driving force for the Father’s love. That His innate reaction isn’t to walk away from me but to run to me and bandage my wounds.
Throughout my time on the race I have been met by His gentle and lowly nature(Matthew 11:28-30). That no matter how many times I had forgotten what He has spoken over me, picked up old patterns of striving, or depicted Him falsely, he gently reminded me of the Truth. That even in my fumbles, He delighted in another opportunity to patiently pour over His Love. That He was never in a hurry for me to get it right, but in a deep pursuit for me to be met by His Love.
I thank God for restoring me. For making me whole. For celebrating my baby steps and the mountain top victories. For allowing me to be secured in the depths of His Love. For showing me that the Jesus I knew is not who He is. For being a Father who is rich in mercy. Whose heart was deeply moved by the brokenness of humanity to the point that he poured His life on the Cross. That is the Agape Love that I know to be true. A Love that audaciously pursued me. That never gave up on me. That sat me down for nine months to understand the true nature of His character.
Beloved, let your heart never forget the depth of our Father’s Love. To never lose the validity of what He did on the cross. That the power of the cross doesn’t work just once but for eternity. That no matter how much you deny or fight against His love, He is still there, waiting. That one day you may come to the end of yourself and realize that there is a better way of living. An abundant life in the Father’s embrace. Let it be our hearts cry to say Abba Father! (Roman 8:15) To cry out to him in the loneliness of the night. And to dance with our Father in the midst of the day. For our heart to remain at first love. A love that doesn’t burn for just a moment but grows richer in time. Let all that we do in life come from the Agape Love of the Father. Let that be our heart’s desire. Let that be the driving force that brings transformation to those around us. That people are met by the gentle and lowly love that met me on the Race. A love that has changed the trajectory of my life forever.
Much Love,
Natalina
